This crime shows that microscopic fine, fine line between BALLSY and IDIOTIC...but I believe this case falls into the IDIOTIC category!  Recently, 25-year-old Tonia Rene Hart of St. Louis, Missouri, called the police and told them that her boyfriend had just ripped-off her keys after they rumbled.  So, the police came, picked her carcass up, and drove to her boyfriend's house to get her keys.  They left her in the squad car when they went inside to look for the keys, but couln't find them...and they thought that was the end of it.  BUT...it was NOT...it was only the beginning!!! Just TEN MINUTES LATER, they got a call about a woman using a suspicious debit card at a mini-mart.  Turns out...guess who it was...it was Tonia...and the debit card BELONGED TO ONE OF THE POLICE OFFICERS!!!  The whole argument with her boyfriend was FAKE!  While the officers were in her boyfriend's house...the goofy-ass Tonia ripped-off $50 and a DEBIT CARD out of one of the officer's bags.  Then, the trollip used it for groceries, cigarettes, and of course...lottery tickets.  Tonia the idiot was busted and charged with one felony count of stealing and five other misdemeanor charges. 

I won't tell you not to do drugs, because you already know you shouldn't!  BUT...I will tell you this: If you ARE going to do drugs, you sure as hell better be careful about who you do them with!!  Here is why...26-year-old Jarrod Wyatt is a mixed martial arts fighter from Klamath, California, and this past March, he and some friends decided to steam up a batch of psychedelic tea using "MAGIC MUSHROOMS" they had grown in their backyard...and at first...things were fine.  They had there buzzes going, the sky was bubbling above them, they were enjoying the parade of purple scorpions...you know the routine.  But then, Jarrod started acting a little CRAZY...go figure!!!  In fact, his brain was so MESSED UP, that he became convinced that the WORLD WAS ABOUT TO END, and that HIS FRIEND and SPARRING PARTNER...21-year-old Taylor Powell...WAS THE DEVIL...MR. SATAN...LUCIFER...THE BEAST...or whatever the hell you want to call him.  So in order to SAVE THE WORLD from SATAN'S WRATH...Jarrod KILLED his friend Taylor!  Then, he CUT the poor guy's HEART and TONGUE OUT...REMOVED MOST OF HIS FACE...and COOKED THE SEVERED BODY PARTS ON THE STOVE and IN THE OVEN!!!  Hell of a good friend, huh???  A little while later, another friend showed up and found Jarrod NAKED and COVERED IN BLOOD, standing over Taylor's TORN-UP, DEAD BODY...DEVOURING COOKED BODY PARTS!!!  Even more disgusting...according to the death certificate...Jarrod RIPPED-OUT Taylor's HEART while he was STILL ALIVE!!!  Anyway, Jarrod was arrested and charged with FIRST-DEGREE MURDER, AGGRAVATED MAYHEM, TORTURE, and ABUSE OF A CORPSE!!!  Jarrod's lawyer is trying to argue that he suffered a PSYCHOTIC BREAK DOWN because of the drugs, so he can't be responsible for what he did.  If Jarrod is convicted...he could get THE NEEDLE!!!  At ANY RATE...with what this monster did...I believe his days of freedom and being in the public are OVER!!!! 

A strip club in Cape Town, South Africa called Mavericks has come up with a method to aid their customers go home without smelling like cheap sex.  They are introducing a line of aftershaves called 'Alibis'.  The idea is to help prevent wives and girlfriends from detecting that intoxicating blend of stripper sweat, booze, and cheap perfume on your clothes when you come home.  it comes in three scents:

~"MY CAR BROKE DOWN"-It smells of gasoline, burnt  rubber, grease, and metal.

~"I WAS WORKING LATE"-It wreaks of coffee, wool suits, cigarette smoke, and ink.

~"WE WERE OUT SAILING"-It sports the scent of ocean spray, sea salt, and cotton rope...wich might make sense in Cape Town, since it's on the ocean...but still!!

Each bottle is $37.50 in American currency, and supposedly they'll be available by mail order real soon.  They should have come up with this scent:

~"GRIZZLY BROWN"-That wreaks of butt crack, moldy armpit, raw sewage, garbage, and hazardous waste.  If you put a couple splashes of THIS on...nobody will even want to get NEAR you!!!!

Apparently, it's NOT a good idea to let your dog LICK YOUR FACE!!!  According to a survey by Greenies...a company that makes dental chew for dogs...more than 60% of us let our dogs lick our face...which is not a good idea...because that old saying that, quote, "A dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's mouth!", unquote, IS A MYTH!!!!!  Your dog LICKS THE GROUND, IT'S OWN GENITALIA, UNDER IT'S TAIL, and OTHER DISGUSTING AREAS!!!  His mouth IS NOT CLEAN...and when he licks your face, he can TRANSFER BACTERIA THAT COULD POTENTIALLY MAKE YOU SICK, or KILL YOU!!!  It makes my SKIN CRAWL when I see a dog, or any other animal lick a human in the face!!! What do you think???  Let me know at grizleybrown@wiot.com .

This IS disgusting to me!!!  It's NOT just your imagination!!! Our government really IS doing LESS THAN EVER BEFORE!!!  According to the final numbers, last year, Congress only passed 80 bills!!! That is PATHETIC!!!  What in the HELL is our TAXES PAYING FOR???  That is the FEWEST EVER since records started in 1947...65 FREAKING YEARS AGO!!!  And apparently, MOST of the ones that DID PASS were basic housekeeping kinds of bills...like NAMING POST OFFICES or EXTENDING CURRENT LAWS!!! That is something Mrs. Trumbell's 3rd grade class at Marine City Elementary school could do!!! YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME...WHAT A JOKE OUR GOVERNMENT IS INSIDE A FINANCIAL CRISIS, FUEL CRISIS, A WAR, AND ALL THE OTHER CRAP GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY ALONE!!!!!  The House of Representatives has a Republican majority...the Senate has a Democratic majority...and they work tokether as smoothly as HELL AND ICE WATER!!!!  That is SO old school!!! They need to pull together (but that will never happen with the old farts and hardliners that have been in office WAY TOO LONG!) and work together!  What a pipe dream, huh??? LOLOLOL!!!  I'll try to come up with another joke!!!  With that difference...and with the partisan divide in the country getting bigger and bigger...getting a SIGNIFICANT BILL through is REALLY TOUGH!!  NOW...there is a difference in "PROGRESS" and "PASSING BILLS".  Some bills SHOULD NOT be passed.  But a study also found that the current Congress has basically been spinning its wheels.  It had the FEWEST BILLS SIGNED INTO LAWS BY THE PRESIDENT THAN ANY CONGRESS...EVER IN THE HISTORY OF CONGRESS...and also spent more time in session than any other Congress as well!!!  That makes me very angry...ENRAGED if you will!!!  And naturally, BOTH PARTIES have BLAMED each other for the LACK OF PROGRESS.  A spokesman for HARRY REID, the Democratic Senate Majority Leader, said the Republicans in the Senate are engaging in, quote, "Obstructionism on steroids."  A spokesman for JOHN BOEHNER, the Republican Speaker of the House, says quote, "We hope the Democrats who run Washington will change course and JOIN US in passing bills, specifically to create jobs."  I feel that this is PATHETIC, DISGUSTING, AND EMBARRASSING WHEN OTHER COUNTRIES SEE JUST HOW LAME OUR GOVERNMENT IS!!!  I ALSO FEEL THAT THIS IS A WEAKNESS IN OUR GOVERNMENT!!!!  That is why WE ALL NEED TO GET OUR ASSES OUT AND VOTE ON EVERY ELECTION DAY THAT COMES FORTH AS LONG AS WE CAN STAND, TAKE NOURISHMENT AND BREATHE!!! If you ARE NOT registered to vote...I URGE YOU to get yourself registered IMMEDIATELY with the Presidential election coming up as well as other important issues.  Hundreds of thousands of our fellow Americans GAVE THEIR LIVES for us to have the FREEDOM TO VOTE!!!!  Out of respect and honor for those heroes...I believe it is the DUTY and RESPONSIBILITY of EVERY AMERICAN 18 and over TO VOTE!!!  If you DON'T VOTE...then your words of the political theatre and issues locally, statewide and nationally are EMPTY!!!  Also...we need FRESH MINDS at EVERY LEVEL OF GOVERNMENT!!!  I believe that ANYBODY who says to themselves "IF I WERE {whatever position desired}, YOU FILL-IN THE BANK, THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT!!!"  HELLO, THERE...why don't you get a petition, get the correct number of signatures you need...AND RUN FOR OFFICE??? This country needs a BIG turnover in people running all levels of government...and you know what...IT COULD START WITH YOU!!!!  In closing this little rant...REMEMBER...IF YOU ARE A REGISTERED VOTER, GET YOUR ASS OUT TO EVERY ELECTION AND VOTE!!!  It's actually YOUR DUTY as I see it!!! Number two, IF YOU ARE NOT REGISTERED TO VOTE...GET YOUR CARCASS REGISTERED BEFORE THE END OF THIS WEEK!!!!  Again...I feel that it is YOUR DUTY!!!!!  And finally...CONSIDER RUNNING FOR AN OFFICE TO MAKE A CHANGE...OR FIND SOMEBODY THAT YOU WOULD ENDORSE THAT WOULD DO SO!!!  MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!! IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!  THE GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES AT ALL LEVELS...CITY, COUNTY, STATE AND NATIONAL...IS ONLY AS STRONG AS WE MAKE IT!!!  AND WITH THE CONGRESS PASSING A MEASLEY-ASS 80 BILLS LAST YEAR...THAT IS NOT STRENGTH AT ALL!!!!  THAT IS WEAK AS ALL HELL AS I SEE IT!!!!  PLEASE, my friends!!! Get INVOLVED with what is going on with our government!!!  You know, The United States Government is THE BEST in THE WORLD...BUT...when our Congress passes just 80 bills that mean piddley-squat on a regular basis...how in the hell do we stay on top of the world???  JOIN ME!!!  LET'S MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!  VOTE!!!! Please let me know how YOU feel about this at grizleybrown@wiot.com .Thank You for your time!!~~Lord Grizzly "Big Schooner" Brown   

The Room Of Doom staff is advocating to let your BODY HAIR GROW WILD!!!!  FORGET the stinking modern trend of BOTH genders waxing it off!!! HERE is the reason to let your body hair...and we mean ALL OF IT...to grow out as wild as possible: A study out of the University Of Sheffield in England found that the harier you are...the less likely you are to get BITTEN by those little filthy peckerheads known as BEDBUGS!!!  Forget those bikini lines, ladies!!! Let those eyebrows intersect, guys!!!  Researchers found that the nasty bedbugs had a TOUGHER time NAVIGATING through thick body hair to get to flesh.  And as another BONUS...the hair acts like an ANTENNA, which helps hairier people FEEL the bedbugs on their skin QUICKER...so they can BRUSH the little creeps OFF your carcass!!!  So ladies...toss out those razors...and guys...lose the trimmers!!!  HELP WIN THE WAR AGAINST BEDBUGS....AND BE AN INFECTION BUSTER!!!!  

It is SAD to see someone go over to the dark side like this, when THE FORCE was so strong in them!  It happened to DARTH VADER...and now it's happened to 33-year-old David Canterbury of Hillsboro, Oregon.  Recently, police in Portland, Oregon, got a call from a Toys 'R' Us.  David was inside the store, he had a plastic "STAR WARS" LIGHT SABER in his munch hook...and he was ATTACKING PEOPLE WITH IT!!!  When the police got there, the lunatic kept on swinging the light saber at officers to keep them away...and we all know...that is NOT going to happen whether the guy had a plastic light saber OR a REAL ONE!!!  They tried to Tase him...and that's where The Force came in!  David used the light saber to SWAT one of the wires away to keep his carcass from getting shocked!  Finally, officers charged in and TACKLED the psycho in the OLD EARTH FASHION and brought him to the planet's surface.  The kook was probably stunned when he realized that somebody betrayed him and set him up with a PLASTIC light saber in lieu of a REAL one!!! [C'mon...I'm KIDDING for cripe's sake...put the straightjacket away!]  David has compiled three assault charges, a theft charge, and a resisting arrest charge...BUT...pending a mental health evaluation.  Fortunately...none of the people he attacked with the light saber needed medical attention.  Those damned Pittsburgh Steeler fans!!!! 

Regardless of your feelings on illegal immigrants,you've GOTTA love THIS creativity! 28-year-old Duastin Salazar is a Colombian man living in Miami, Florida...and recently...he was busted for trying to smuggle 16 PEOPLE into the United States...and he did that by having them POSE AS A CHEERLEADING SQUAD!!!  Customs agents quickly figured out tey WERE NOT actually a cheerleading squad...maybe they couldn't "bring it" on cue...and Salazar and six others were arrested.  All of them were sentenced to time served and two years of suspended release.  Several of the phoney cheerleaders were minors...and they were sent back to Colombia.  When will people learn that 99.9% of the time...you CAN NOT GET ANYTHING past a customs agent!!!!!!

Zainab Bibi is a 33-year-old Pakistani woman who knifed her husband to death recently, with the help of her nephew.  She claims she had a damned good reason to do it: Her husband, Ahmad Abbas, told her he intended to begin a physical relationshp with THEIR DAUGHTER...and she KILLED him before he could lay a hand on her!  Her nephew helped her CHOP and DICE the corpse into tiny pieces, and Zainab planned to dispose of it...by COOKING the pieces!!!  Unfortunately for Zainab, she's not much of a cook! The cooking created such a TERRIBLE STENCH that her neighbors complained to police about the RANCID SMELL.  The police came and investigated...and discovered the grisley demise of Ahmad.  Zainab was busted and was being held in the jail in Karachi.  She was permitted to give a TV interview recently as well...and said she DID NOT regret what she did to the sick bastard!!!  No word on where the nephew is.